As 2021 Arrives, All 2020 Problems Just Magically Disappear
Like a can of Brisk Twisted Tea to the face, as the calendar switches over to 2021, all previous worries and woes have suddenly and violently disappeared.
After all, 2020 was the year of the pandemic, certainly not this new, shiny year, 2021! This is the year in which a vaccine woefully under-purchased by an administration will surely get to roughly 10% of the population by July, so there’s nothing to worry about there!
As the new year rolls out all Law Enforcement departments nationwide have agreed to not only hold problem officers accountable for their actions but also work proactively to remove “bad cops” from police departments. Coincidentally, now it won’t be as easy for problem officers to reapply to a department one county over, in 2021 they must move a minimum of two counties over to be eligible for reinstatement!
Jobless Americans will be relieved to wake up to 2021 with jobs secured for them. How? There are just jobs now because that’s what happens in a new year! No need to argue over $600 or $2000 stimulus checks, everyone is now paid a livable wage!
Additionally, now all American’s have universal healthcare, no more going bankrupt if you get sick in the good ‘ol US of A!
Welcome to 2021, where a bright new future awaits that is absolutely nothing like it was yesterday, like, at all. Totally better now. All good here. All… good…
P.S. If for some reason this post doesn’t seem in any way realistic or based on actual things, you may be on to something! Look at you, using critical thinking and making your own decisions about something you read on the internet! We are so proud of you for seeing through our thick veneer of lies disguised as satire. If maybe, instead of getting angrier than a redneck with a dead ATV battery, the above words made you want to change anything in any appreciable way we urge you to show the fuck up on Jan. 5th and cast votes for Ossoff and Warnock (offer only applies to registered Georgia voters, no refunds without receipt).