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Georgia Will Be #1 In COVID Cases Promises Gov. Kemp

“I’m sick of seeing masks, you should see peoples smiles.” said Kemp, a man who by all appearances had just been explained how to smile.

Gov. “elect” of Georgia, Brain Kemp has made many promises, but one he doubled down on yesterday was to make sure Georgia is #1 again, in covid-19 cases that is.

“I just found out that we are surrounded by Tennessee, Alabama, South Carolina, and Florida, but we can’t let them win! Right now our covid numbers are low, too low.” Gov. Kemp said at a news conference on Wednesday as he revealed his “plan”. (note: North Carolina also borders Georgia to the north.)

The governor’s orders state that no city in Georgia may make emergency orders that “make me look like I don’t know what I’m doing” Kemp went on to explain. 

 ”That’s not how freedom works”, said Kemp. “They don’t even have a pickup truck or a shotgun, and believe me, that’s how public office should be”.

Kemp, a slow man prone to outbursts of mental diarrhea, has been at odds with mayors and city administrators over the issue in recent days. 

“I’m taking swift and derisive action to put Georgia back on top of number of covid cases and deaths!” said Kemp about issuing his order that no municipality may mandate mask adherence to protect the lives of Georgia citizens. 

“Not even much smarter mayors!” said Kemp, a reference to Georgia’s many far smarter and more qualified politicians. 

“3000 Georgian deaths is too low, we can do better”. Kemp went on to say that he expected numbers to rise dramatically in upcoming weeks.

“Thank god we’re going back to school, it’s certainly not as effective as a nursing home outbreak, but hey, I’ll take all the help I can get.” said Kemp, a man who frequently takes more than he earned.